Retail Diaries Part One.

This summer I have been working as a manager at a jewelry store. Basically this is not a job that I ever would have found, chosen, thought about doing until it fell in my lap. And I love it so much. I love interacting with people and telling them that all fourteen bracelets that they have on look great together at the same time, I love helping people style themselves so that they feel great, but mostly, I love how happy people are when they leave the store with their new purchases. This is something you don’t get as a phone secretary y’all. Those businessmen are not nearly as friendly, let me tell you. However, like any job, there are some crazies and being in Nantucket, the richest county in the nation, let’s just say the crazies are not few and far between. Here are a few shining examples of the bat-shit crazy people that I deal with on a daily basis. They make me laugh each and every day. Never a dull moment!

Scenario One

Crazy lady clearly on a bunch of xanax (currently wearing three different headbands): Which one do you like? I would ask my husband but he fell asleep on the bench out front (he is actually 95 years old no lie and I’m hoping that he is really just sleeping if you catch my drift).

Me: Well it just depends on your taste, I think that they could all work for you. Your decision!

Crazy: You’re right, I’ll get this one. (Immediately distracted by neon pink and basket weave clutch. Picks up said clutch and realizes it jingles when you make any movement [die].) Does this fit any stuff in it?

Me: Yep it’s pretty spacious but you can try it.

Crazy: Proceeds to stuff entire contents of purse including her not yet purchased bracelets into clutch and jams it closed within an inch of its life. AND SOLD

Me: Don’t forget to take off all the {four} headbands on your head on your way out. (thought bubble: must go buy smelling salts for old man husbands who pass out outside).

Scenario Two

Two cute older ladies come into the store and purchase five workout headbands for their one year old grandaughter (these are made for adults by the way).

Seemingly cute old lady: Here’s my card.

Me: I’m so sorry it actually didn’t go through, do you have a different card?

Lady: Yeah whatever here.


Lady: Storms out of store in an angry rage because her three credit cards were all declined leaving her headbands that she gave me to package and all of the ones from our store. “I’m not dealing with this shit. I refuse to pay in cash.” MMMkkkk


Friend returns and pays the thirty dollars in cash thank you have a nice day.

Scenario Three

Two women come off of their yacht to do some shopping for their kids. One is named Paris and lady clearly sweeps out all kids necklaces that are Paris themed. Woman has largest engagement ring that I have ever seen in my life EVER.

Me: Reads back purchase (32 neon bobby pins, 20 hair ties, eight kids necklaces, one pair of earrings, and a bracelet) as woman continues to add and subtract items every time I try to package them up. (Half an hour later receipt machine breaks and I am totaling by hand.) Your total will be somewhere around $400.

Mom’s friend who was buying all this stuff: Are you kidding me that is crazy? What did I even buy?

Me: Repeats purchase order back again.

Disgruntled customer: Oh that makes sense let me add this bracelet too. Proceed to walk out of store without the four other bags they came in with. Five minutes pass and I search for them only to find them perusing the wine store. Facepalm.

Hope you enjoyed The Retail Diaries Part One.




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